The Mommy Conundrum

Get on any social media and there is an abundance of people touting their ideas and thoughts and opinions.

Which is great, no…I swear.

Where there are ideas, thoughts, and opinions there comes arguments and disagreements.

Which is also great. Honestly that’s how your mind gets opened to other things.

However the most critical (and dare I say it hypocritical) of groups to post their stuff onto the World Wide Web is PARENTS.

Specifically mothers.

Yes I understand that I am a mother…and posting stuff…

But that’s different! I refuse to rip people down.

There are breastfeeding vs bottle feeding, baby food vs baby led weaning, cloth diapers vs disposable…and at the pinnacle?

Works vs stay at home.

The awful things I’ve read about one written by the other…it’s ridiculous…

They demand respect while discounting the others position simultaneously.

Just because I stay at home doesn’t mean I sit and lounge around and watch tv. I know most working mothers claim to do everything I do with less time. However – how messy does your house get during the day? Are you constantly having to clean up from the time you wake up to the time you go to sleep? No. And it’s offensive you think you do because you’re discounting the amount of effort I put into my day.

That being said your day is no piece of cake either! I understand that. I was a working mom too. You DO have to fit stuff into weekends and after work that I manage to fit in in my days. You miss milestones. You have to worry about kids getting sick and you missing work. I hated it, which is why I am lucky enough to have been able to switch back to stay at home. To be honest working mom didn’t work for us. Too many extras and too little time!

Whatever title you hold, working, SAH, WAH (especially WAH – phew! Working while simultaneously cleaning and rearing children?! No thanks!) your life is your life. You are doing what works for you and what’s best for you and your family.

Now, instead of arguing over who has the harder life why don’t we sit down, break the chocolate out, pour each other a glass of wine, and pat ourselves on the back. The kids are happy, healthy, and we are doing the best we can.

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What Not To Say.

Sigh – here it goes. I’ve seen posts everywhere recently on what not to say to blah blah blah. Literally. Everyone. People without kids, people with kids, people with one kid, people with 2 kids, people with all boys, people with all girls, people with red hair, people with freckles, people with brown eyes, veterans, nurses, police men, fast food workers. Ev-er-y-one.

Are you f*cking kidding me? Seriously.

Instead of “teaching” people you are terrifying people into never speaking to you or others in that situation again. Who wants to talk to someone when there are rules involved? I mean obviously there are normal rules of being decent and grammatically correct (what? That’s not a thing? It should be.) What if we say something wrong? Obviously you’ll bite our damn heads off. It’s too much stress and too much anxiety to remember everything you can’t say to everyone all the time. I know 8 billion people. Ok not really but I have like 800 Facebook friends that’s close right? But a list of 10 for each of those 800 people. You do the math.

Anyway.

What happened to redirection? Or answering politely? Is it a huge effing deal to just say “I’m not really wanting to talk about it.” Or “that’s not a topic I want to touch.” Or even “Who cares” or “it’s a personal matter/choice/decision”.

I have two kids – BG. You know what? I get TOLD we are done by friends and family. Helloooo not your lady bits. My lady bits. But who cares!? Shrug it the Ef off.

I get nasty looks and comments over my son. And guess what? Life’s too damn short to post “what not to say to a preemie mom” or “what not to say to the mom of an autistic kid”. Although I’ll be honest the latter was tempting a few times. But it would be PMed to specific folks and certain parts would be highlighted.

We lost his twin. And sure it aches but I will never ever preach what not to say to a mom of loss.

Do you know why? And this is my point (sorry I rambled I promise it’ll be a good one)

Not every person in that situation feels the same. So where you think everything everyone asks you is offensive, others may heal from conversation or just not mind hearing the same thing over and over.

Before you post make sure you’re ok talking for every single person in that situation. Because if you’re not the post is probably doing more harm than good.

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Sensational

I know what few loyal readers I have left have wondered where in the world I’ve been.

Well.

ASP has started night shifts do that threw everything up into the air and messed up schedules.

SM has started competitive gymnastics which takes up about 10 hours, including drive time, a week.

And CM – oh my sweet little man. My sweet sensational little man. We have had some difficulties with him. We have found out he has sensory difficulties (sensory processing disorder) and potentially and probably Aspergers. It is exhausting. And it is incessant.

I think there will be a post about it in the near future because we’ve come into contact with more than a few unkind words regarding him recently.

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Book Review : The Here and Now by Ann Brashares

Tonight was a hell of a night. Strike that. Today. Today was a hell of a day. I had to step back and find ME. Not honey, not momma. ME.

What better way than with a cup of tea (ok wine would be better, yes, but I’m out) a hot bath and a book!

Recently I was ok’ed by Netgalley (dang you for feeding my addiction!) for Ann Brashares’ upcoming novel The Here and Now.

I enjoyed this book’s concept. I love dystopian so this was right up my alley. Call me crazy but I do enjoy reading about the world ending and shit hitting the fan. Does that make me sadistic? Nawwww.

Main complaint? The ending could have been drawn out more. I feel like it was a bit rushed. Normally books are too drawn out for me so that is saying something.

I would have liked to get a sneak peak into the “new” future as well. Kind of wrap things up. Although…if this is going to be a series I retract this statement.” future as well. Kind of wrap things up.

All in all as it stands 3.5.

If it’s the first of a series? 4-4.5

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Book review : Don’t Even Think About It by Sarah Miynowski

What to say! Really really interesting concept. Getting telepathy from a batch of tainted flu vaccine. Original and intriguing and thought provoking. I am ALL for getting that now if it’s a side effect 😉 I must say I enjoyed the book and the twists and certainly didn’t predict the end which was honestly rather relieving.

For me? Most books coming out are easy to guess so it was quite refreshing.

Small decisions on the writers part definitely made the book : the eye color change, the difference between opening and closing eyes, standing between people quiets or mutes the talent.

All in all wonderful. I give it 4 out of 5 stars. I look forward to reading more of her work.

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Mompathy

I read the *hands down* worst article ever yesterday. If you’re a mom I’m sure you have too.

You know the one I’m talking about…the “I’m not ashamed” one? Bashing moms.

No I’m not going link it. That woman probably makes money off every click and I won’t take part. The news had covered it. I’d rather you check there.

As a mom I have been a sahm, wahm, and working mom. I can tell you without a DOUBT SAH/WAH is the hardest. For me. WAH is probably hardest because I don’t know about YOUR kids but getting ANYTHING done with CM awake is impossible.

There are days, many days actually, that I WISH I could drop CM off somewhere and go to work. This mama doesn’t get a break. WORK would be a break. ASP works nights so sleeps until 2ish, wakes up, eats, gets dressed, and goes to work by 430 and doesn’t return home until 630-7 in the morning. Basically I get to be a single mother with financial support most days.

But hey! It works for us. I love his schedule. I just don’t get time to breathe.

Not everyone can do this. I have friends who have admitted they could never be a SAHM. My husband has admitted he could NEVER be a SAHD. Being a mom…you’re never just a mom. You’re a taxi driver, chef, mediator, stylist, maid, teacher, coach…and more…and that’s all in one day.

Then there are other moms who couldn’t bear working! I turned out to be one of them.

To each his own my friends, to each his own.

Band together moms! Whether you work or “work” we are all on the same level.

I feel sorry for Amy, the girl who wrote the blog. She has such a very skewed idea of what feminism is. Feminism is the strength and ability to choose what path your life would go down. After reading her post I have a few friends who now distance themselves from the stigma of “feminism” because it isn’t a positive thing anymore. Now someone says feminists and I immediately think of the womynists from the movie PCU (so good. Highly recommended!) and that makes me grieve for my gender.

We are the matriarchs. Without us life does not exist. Be proud that we have chosen to put our worries about “ruining” our bodies and our 20s/30s/40s aside. Instead we have created and grown something beautiful and wonderful. That in itself is an accomplishment. Anyone can travel, anyone can work, anyone can have dinner at fancy restaurants.

You know what not everyone can do? Create new life. Rock a baby to sleep singing the same song for hours. Cry and laugh harder than anyone thought was humanly possible at simple things like walking and talking and graduating. Love harder than ever before when you hear a tiny voice tell you they love you.

You may not want my life. But the blessings and love I receive every day makes up for your dislike and hate. I’m relieved you won’t be procreating because a child raised with that kind of hate and anger would be heartbreaking.

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Book Review : Hidden Wings by Cameo Renae

I will TRY and be as vague as possible 😉

Great book!

Awesome concept! I really enjoyed the fallen/nephilim angle.

My only issue is that the last half of the book went way too fast. Almost 0-60 action wise. It seemed a bit rushed but left just the right amount of cliffhanger to pull you back to book #2.

End feeling overall very good and WILL be buying the second!

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